Wounded, Broken, but Loved
by RoyEdLove
Summary: Edward gets raped after losing his younger brother in the same month. Does Roy have what it takes to save Edward from his depression and his attacker?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! Cathy and Mika here (or Ed and Roy if you prefer) bringing you a (you guessed it!) RoyxEd fic! Yay! 8D**

**Some things you should know about us before you read: Each of our stories is written by both of us (unless we tell you otherwise). All the parts containing Ed is played by me (Cathy) and all the parts containing Roy are played by Mika. Any other characters in the story are split up between the two of us.**

**Anyway, this fiction is rated M for a number of reason. Smut (and lots of it…) language, rape, and violence. If you don't like, don't read! You've been warned!**

**Disclaimer note: We do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters in it. General Nemada is the only original character. He will be played by me (Ed).**

**Chapter 1**

Ed panted as he lay on the cold hard cement, his attacker just above him. Both his pants and boxers were completely gone. His hands, bound to the cement by alchemy so he couldn't move. His shirt was ripped, giant gashes in his skin.

Ed bit his lip as he tried not to cry. He glared up at his attacker, barely able to see his face. _'Why didn't I walk home with the Colonel when he offered?'_ he thought hopelessly. He shook his head mentally, knowing that he was too stubborn to give in to the Colonel Bastard so easily and show weakness. He was strong and could fend for himself. He was the Fullmetal Alchemist after all! Or so he thought...

He noticed he was being followed about halfway home. He suddenly quickened his pace and started walking faster, noticing the footsteps behind him also quickened. In a panic, Ed ran, turning into a back alley. That was a big mistake seeing that it was a dead end. Ed had faced to meet his attacker, ready to fight and confident that he could win, and now look where he was.

Ed's lip quivered as he turned his head to the side, his attacker was running one hand up and down his smooth skin and with the other, drew long gashes down his chest and stomach with the dull silver blade he held. Ed let out a choked whimper, suddenly being forced into a hard kiss. The man then tried to force his tongue into Ed's mouth, snarling when Ed didn't cooperate. "OPEN!" he yelled and Ed flinched in fear, slowly opening his mouth to allow his tongue in.

He hated it. It was disgusting and vile, but Ed knew better than to bite, for fear the man would do worse to him. When he finally pulled away, Ed gasped for breath, wondering what was going to happen now. For a few moments, the man didn't do anything, as if he was thinking about what to do, then Ed felt sudden pain. The rapist shoved two of his fingers into Ed's entrance, trying to spread him and find that sweet spot that made Ed buck his hips.

Ed cried out in sudden pain, the force of the fingers into his virginity without any lubricant was unbearable and he began to bleed fast. "S-Stop!" Ed sobbed, his legs kicking and squirming from the pain. "PLEASE STOP!"

"Of course I won't stop... This is too much fun, State Alchemist!" the man laughed evilly and began to insert another finger. Ed screamed even louder, hoping someone, _ANYONE_, would hear him.

The rapist then huffed at Ed's screaming and snarled, knowing he didn't have much time if anyone heard. He then took his fingers out of Ed and unzipped his pants, releasing his hard member that was aroused from Ed's pain. He then lifted Ed's legs and positioned himself, thrusting into Ed hard and fast.

Ed let out a choked cry, gasping at the sudden pain from the intrusion. Ed felt he was very tight, even after his attacker scissored him with his fingers, and the pain felt greater than before as his thrusts were quick and hard. "STOP! AAAHHH! IT HURTS! PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP!" Ed screamed, hoping for some small miracle to happen.

Roy Mustang strode silently down the darkening streets of Central, his hands shoved in his pockets. He was in a slightly depressed mood, and he was having trouble convincing himself it was not because Edward turned down his offer. The colonel wasn't even sure what had come over him to make him ask Edward to walk home with him, and he couldn't say he was surprised by the rejection.

The quiet peace was shattered when faint screams invaded his thoughts, and his head snapped up, looking for the source of the cry. That sounded an awful lot like... But he didn't allow himself to linger on that thought, and instead ran towards the screams. They sounded distant, far away, and he vaguely wondered if he would even arrive on time to be of any help. There were a few more screams, and at last one he could make out words.

_"STOP! AAAHHH! IT HURTS! PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP!"_

Roy's heart stuttered and he almost stopped right there where he was. That...that was Edward. There was no mistaking it. Edward Elric was somewhere nearby and in terrible pain, enough that he would cry out for somebody to help him. And Edward _never_ asked for help. Heart pounding, he searched franticly as the cries died out. Where the hell was he? There were no more sounds to follow, and now he was weaving through alleyways with no real direction. Eventually, he was forced to stop. He had no idea where he was now, and still didn't know where Edward was….

But then he heard a quiet noise, and when Roy froze to listen to it, it made his chest ache. It was a quiet whimper, and choked sobs, and undeniably _Edward._ Eyes wide, he slowly turned a corner. In the dark lighting, he could make out a small heap on the ground, and the shine of blood pooled around it. _'Oh god, did they torture him-?'_ But stepping closer, studying it a little closer, he realized he was wrong.

Edward lay whimpering and sobbing on the cold cement, his wrists trapped with alchemy above his bloodied head. There were deep gashes in his chest, but most of the blood was coming from… Roy pressed a gloved hand to his mouth and stifled a cry of rage. Blood coated the alchemist's inner thighs and ran down his naked legs to pool on the ground beneath him. His stomach was covered in dark bruises, and his face and hair were matted with dirt, tears, and blood.

Edward wasn't just tortured. _'He…he was raped!'_ Swiftly kneeling at his side, he focused on freeing the blonde's wrists. Pulling out a piece of chalk, he scratched out a small circle and in a moment the cement had retracted back to its original place. Carefully taking the slim, raw wrists, and looked back into Edward's face. "Edward…."

Edward snapped out of his daze when he realized someone was next to him again and let out a loud scream. "NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Ed yelled in a panic, flailing to get away, especially since he realized his hands were free.

He quickly jerked to the side and rolled over on his stomach, looking for an escape, but there were none. He also looked for his pants, but couldn't find them, so he pulled the red coat that he was still wearing closer to himself, crying every time his raw legs rubbed up against something.

Eyes wide with fear and panic, Ed didn't know what to do but to fight, not knowing exactly who it was that was near him in the cold, dark and damp alley. He whimpered helplessly and clapped his hands, transmuting his automail into a sword before flipping back around to face his attacker.

Roy backed up swiftly and raised his hands, eyes wide as Edward turned to attack him. He cursed himself silently for startling him. He should have known better than to grab him after what happened here...

"Edward, it's just me. I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to help you," He said slowly, trying to keep his voice calm. But his rage was so intense at the moment he was surprised he managed to keep his voice in a level tone.

Ed stopped his attack and looked at the figure, eyes wide. He recognized that voice. "C-Colonel?" he asked, lowering his sword. He was still lying on the ground and he rested his head back, too tired and hurt to do anything anymore. "It hurts really b-bad..." he said, pulling his red coat in tighter around himself, embarrassed that Mustang saw him like this.

He then transmuted his automail back to normal and tried getting up, but the pain on his thighs and in between his legs made him cry out in shock and he doubled over on the cement again, sobbing helpless.

Roy jumped forward with a start as Edward cried out in pain when he tried to get up. He reached out to put a hand on his arm to try to comfort his subordinate, but jerked his hand back when he remembered the result last time. Not wanting to make the teen panic but aching to comfort him, Roy very softly touched his shoulder. "Fullmetal," He said with as much authority as he could muster at the moment, "You need help, and right now you shouldn't try to stand. I'm going to have to carry you. Is that clear?"

As much as he made it sound like an order, Roy knew that if Edward refused, he wouldn't have the heart to go against his wishes and would have to figure something else out. But he was going to wait for Edward's permission before he did anything.

Ed looked at him with a glare. He didn't trust anyone right now. Not after what happened to him. Truthfully he was afraid of having anyone touch him. Not only was he in pain, but he felt disgusting and unclean. He badly wished he could just take a shower and all the filth he felt would go away, but knew that it wouldn't. He was violated and beaten, and he knew that it would never go away.

"N-No! D-Don't touch me!" Ed said, shrugging away from Roy's touch. He meant it to come out as a harsh snap at the Colonel, but instead his words came out helpless and pitiful. "I-I don't want to go to the hospital! I-I'm fine! My wounds will heal e-eventually..." he said, getting up more carefully this time, gasping every time something hurt, but tried not to cry out and show his pain.

When he was confident he could stand on his own, he wrapped his coat around his body much tighter to shield his sensitive skin against the cold night's air and let go of the wall, limping, waddling, and staggering past Roy and keeping his head down so he wouldn't look the man in the eyes.

Roy blinked after him, uncertain as to what to do now. Getting slowly to his feet, the colonel hesitantly followed Edward down the alley, careful to keep a small distance between them, but close enough that Roy would be able to catch him if he were to stumble. He opened his mouth to try and comfort him in some way, but at that moment they stepped out into the main street. The very _familiar_ main street. Eyes wide, he glanced down the street to see...his house.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him, and he knew it was the only thing he could possibly do at the moment. "F- Edward... My house is right here. I know you don't want to go to a hospital, but you _cann__ot_ deny you need some help. All I ask is that you come and clean yourself, and rest." He suggested gently. And then added, in an almost pleading voice, "...Please..."

Ed shivered quite noticeably and looked up at the Colonel's house. He had only been there once. It was late one night when he had to return in a report before the next day and the Colonel had already gone home. Ed remembered the long grueling walk from HQ to Mustang's house and barged in on him quite furious. The time he was there, he remembered his living room smelt like burnt wood from the fireplace and freshly brewed coffee.

Ed tried to stand up straight as he stared at the house, he could feel fresh blood running down his legs, and he knew he wouldn't make it all the way back to his apartment. "A-Alright..." he muttered. "B-But I'm going back to my place tomorrow..." he said, being his usual stubborn self. But after being raped, no one could blame him for wanting to hide it.

Roy watched him shiver and wince with pained eyes, knowing any offer to carry him would be refused. But he couldn't just stand by and watch as the young alchemist froze. Slipping off his overcoat, he placed it loosely around Edward's shoulders while careful not to actually touch him and cause him discomfort. As it was, he didn't know if Edward would accept the coat or just toss it back at him, but it was all he could do at the moment.

Ed stopped shaking slightly as he felt something warm drape over his shoulders. He flinched for a moment before realizing that Roy wasn't actually touching him, but that he was just placing his jacket around him to keep him warm. Ed quickly pulled the coat in closer over his dirty and ripped red coat and accepted the warmth.

Without saying a word, he carefully limped over to Roy's front door, waiting for him to follow and unlock it. His eyes looked dead and hollow, like someone had sucked out his soul. They weren't the usual bright gold color, full of determination and strength.

Roy was silently relieved when Edward pulled the coat closer around him instead of rejecting it. The boy refused to look at him, and just limped to his door in silence. Pulling out his key, he swiftly unlocked the door and flicked on the light in the hallway. After removing his boots, he turned back to Edward, and he felt a pang of sympathy that he knew was the last thing the boy wanted. He was just standing in the doorway, head bowed, clutching the coat around him and trembling.

Roy had never before wanted to hold somebody as much as he did that moment. He just wanted to wrap his arms around the shivering and hurting blond, and for a long while he just stood in front of him, not quite sure if he should attempt it. It was the soft sound of a drop of blood hitting the wood floor that finally brought him back to the matter at hand.

"Come on, there's a bathroom just down this hall," he said, pointing.

Ed nodded slowly and began to limp toward the bathroom, feeling the pain between his legs was getting worse as he had to use the wall for support. When he got to the bathroom, he noticed he left bloody hand prints on the Colonel's walls and felt a bit bad about that for a moment.

As soon as he walked into the bathroom, he stood there, not sure what to do now. Normally, he never cleaned wounds like this before. In fact, he usually always went to the hospital when he was hurt. Not this time. The memories of what happened just roughly a half hour ago rushed back into his head and Edward found himself kneeling in front of the toilet, losing whatever contents that were in his stomach. He felt sick. Sick that this even happened. Sick that he couldn't even defend himself. All of this made him want to crawl in a hole and die, and as those thoughts flowed through his head while he vomited, he sobbed.

Without really thinking about it, Roy moved quickly next to Edward to pull his hair back from his face. He was entirely unsure about what he was going to do now. He highly doubted Edward would let him help wash him, after... But he didn't think the blond could even stand on his own anymore.

"Edward, tell me, and tell me honestly. Are you going to be able to stand to take a shower?"

After heaving for a few minutes, Ed was aware that Roy was next to him, pulling his hair back, but he didn't flinch or move away. He looked up at the Colonel sadly and lowered his head again, thinking. He was in a lot of pain, and he was too exhausted to wash himself.

"N-No..." he whimpered, shaking his head as his matted and dirty hair swished back and forth over his shoulders. "I-I don't think... I can..." he said as he slowly sat back on the floor, wincing a bit from the pain. He then risked looking up at Roy again, his eyes beginning to water. "C-Could... you help...me?" he asked very quietly.

Roy's eyes softened and he nodded silently. He knew it must have taken a lot to ask for help right now, and he was determined he would not make Edward regret putting trust in him. They would go at Edward's pace, and Roy wouldn't push him to do anything.

"Just tell me what you want me to do, okay? I'll understand if you tell me to stop."

Ed sat there quietly for a moment as he stared at the floor, taking Roy's words in. He then nodded and looked up at him, holding out a shaky hand. "H-Help me up?" he asked. He wanted to stand up and get rid of these dirty clothes once and for all. His pants, boxers and shoes were already missing entirely, so he didn't need to worry about that. However, knowing that someone else had his clothes made him shiver in disgust.

Roy gently gripped his hand and pulled him up, noting the grimace of pain from Edward as he moved. He started to shrug off the large coat, and Roy took it and tossed it unceremoniously towards the door. It was covered in blood, as was the rest of Edward's clothes and his floor, but at the moment he really didn't care about that. He reached to take Edward's red coat, but hesitated. "Can I...?"

Ed hesitated for a moment, staring at Roy's hand unsure. But he couldn't do this by himself, so Ed nodded slowly and began to slide it off himself as Mustang grabbed it and tossed it with the other coat. Ed then stood there shaking. The only thing left was his ripped shirt. Ed then tried to pull the shirt off him, but stopped, letting out a cry of pain and held onto the sink for support.

Roy quickly caught his arm to hold him steady. He gently tugged at the ripped shirt, pulling it over the blond's head before tossing it into the ever-growing pile of clothing. It was only then that Roy really looked at Edward, really saw what he had been subjected to. Deep cuts decorated his chest in crimson, and his wrist was bright and raw. Dark bruises were scattered across his hips and stomach, and... Roy shut his eyes and looked away, disgusted. Not with Edward - how could he be? - but with the sick man who would do something so evil to only a child.

Ed shivered again and looked up at Roy with a pitiful look on his face. He was still embarrassed by all of this and he didn't want to be in the bathroom for much longer. Without saying a word, he looked to the bathtub then to Roy as if asking him if he was going to fill it up.

Roy took the hint and made sure Edward was steady before going to the bathtub to turn the water on. Keeping his eyes on the steady flow of water filling the tub, he stayed crouched next to the tub, deep in thought. This was certainly not just something that could be taken care of and forgotten about any time soon. It wasn't just another injury to heal and move on for the younger alchemist. This was far more than something as simple as that.

Roy blinked, startled, as he realized while he wasn't paying attention the bathtub had almost started to overflow. Quickly shutting the water off, he straightened and turned back to Edward. The blond was still clutching the sink, barely holding himself up.

"I'm going to put you in the tub now, alright?"

Ed looked up at Roy and then to the tub. He didn't want to be picked up. He didn't want to be touched. "No, I'll get in myself…" he said and began to move toward the tub, but when he found he couldn't do it, he gripped the sink for support again and bowed his head in shame, nodding slowly as he let Roy pick him up and place him in the tub carefully. Ed hissed as the hot water touched his skin and immediately the water began turning a crimson color. Ed bit his lip and leaned back against the tub exhausted, looking like he was ready to pass out.

Noting how the water was already turning red with blood, Roy knew he was going to have to change the water at some point before he took Edward out. But for now, he would just let him soak for a bit as he left to get clothes. As he walked down the hall and up the stairs to his bedroom, he slowed, then stopped, glancing at his hands.

Even with the automail, Edward had been extremely light when he picked him up. Remembering back to the alley, his wrist has seemed so thin, too... Was Edward taking care of himself? A flicker of grief could be seen in onyx eyes for a moment as the man remembered the events of the past month. It wasn't really that surprising that it was affecting Edward to the point of not taking care of himself, but still...

Finally reaching his room, he grabbed a few things from a drawer and made his way back to the bathroom with them.

When Roy walked back into the bathroom, Ed was sitting there slowly scrubbing his left arm with the soap. By the looks of it, Ed was staring into space like he was in a trance and wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing.

Setting the clothes down on the sink, Roy knelt next to the tub and gently took the soap from Edward and began to scrub his back.

Ed jumped a bit, snapping out of his daze as he felt something against his back and looked at Mustang shocked, but also exhausted. He didn't say anything, but he kept his eyes on Roy, watching every move he made and eying where his hands went. He then glanced down at the tub and saw the water had turned completely red. _'I lost a lot of blood...'_ he thought, feeling his head spin.

Roy could tell Edward was uneasy as he eyed his movements, and he made sure to move slowly and never where Edward couldn't see. After washing his back and the rest of the arm that had been abandoned, Roy reached over and turned the knob to drain the tub. After the last of the bloody water had trickled down the drain, he began to refill it again, watching Edward. He was extremely pale and he looked like he was about to black out.

"Hold on just a bit longer, Fullmetal," He murmured, slowly moving to wash his hair.

Edward looked down at his bruised stomach and raw thighs. He leaned back against the tub to let Roy wash out his bloody and matted hair, but he never took his eyes off of the damage done to his body.

The horrible things that happened to him then rushed back into his head, making him snap out of his daze and he began to freak out. He let out a loud scream and bolted back up into a sitting position, ignoring the pain that was telling him to stop. He then grabbed the soap and started furiously scrubbing at himself, mostly between the legs. He then reached over to turn off the faucet and let the tub drain before he began scrubbing around the drain and the bottom of the bathtub. "Unclean! So dirty! This place is filthy! Have to get out the filth!" he yelled, his voice in a panic as he began to sob and continue muttering things about being unclean, even though the tub was pretty clean aside from the few blood stains.

Startled, Roy quickly reached out to take a hold of Edward's wrist and controlled his voice so it sounded soothing, instead of panicked. "Edward, just calm down. You're safe here, there's no filth. You're safe here, Edward!"

Ed let out another panicked scream and knocked Roy's hand away from his wrist. "NO! Don't touch me!" he cried and went back to scrubbing himself with the soap again. "I'm disgusting! _He_ made me dirty!" he yelled and lifted his head back, letting out a cry of anguish to the ceiling. He then began to shiver from being wet and naked in an empty bathtub and the loss of blood made his head spin. "I-I'm d-disgusting... I'm so unclean... I-I can't g-get the filth out... I-It won't wash away!" he sobbed before falling forward and passing out from the loss of blood and anxiety attack.

Catching him by his shoulders before he hit the side of the bathtub, Roy looked down at him, unconscious but trembling, with pain-filled eyes. Edward...Was that how he felt? Like he was something tainted, dirty, defiled? Like people would be disgusted with him? It sent a stab of pain through his chest to think of Edward feeling that way about himself.

Pulling the blond's head to his chest in a sort of embrace, he wrapped his other arm around the still shaking body and lifted him from the tub. Getting to his feet, he simply held Edward for a short while. He knew he would never be able to hold him like this again. It would be a long time before Edward would trust again, and he knew that. But it still hurt, just a bit.

Eventually, Roy took a towel and began to dry Edward off. His clothes were soaked at this point, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Gently placing him on the sink counter while still keeping an arm wrapped around him to hold him up, Roy rummaged through a drawer before locating some bandages. After a few minutes of difficulty between both supporting Edward and working on him, he finally got the worst of the deep cuts wrapped in the crisp white bandages.

He then snagged the shirt from the other side of the counter and pulled it over Edward before sliding him into a pair of boxers. He decided against pants at the moment, because he knew how sensitive Edward was right now. Lifting him up again, Roy carried him out of the bathroom and down the hall and up the stairs to his bedroom. Laying him down on the bed and arranging the comforter over him, he brushed the golden strands away from closed eyes and noted just how pale the alchemist was. Edward wanted to avoid hospitals; it seemed he didn't want anybody knowing what happened... But if this got any worse, Roy just might be forced to drag him to one. If he loses much more blood...

Sitting on the very edge of the bed, Roy just watched as Edward slept...

**End of chapter 1. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright everyone, here you are! The next chapter. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2**

The next morning, Ed was in a cold sweat, screaming out for help in his sleep. He was having a nightmare of what happened the previous night, mixed with the events that happened in the past month. "NO AL! AL, PLEASE HELP!" Ed cried out, tears streaming down his cheeks as he kicked and flailed his arms and legs. "Leave me alone! Don't touch me! Don't touch _HIM_!"

Roy jerked awake in a panic as he heard the frantic screams. He must have dozed off in the middle of the night because he had previously been propped up against the headboard at an awkward angle. Edward was thrashing wildly around, screaming for his brother and sobbing. Roy watched him helplessly with a pained look. By now he knew better than to try and touch him to get him awake, it would only cause Edward to panic even more.

"Edward...it's just a nightmare, wake up! It's not real..." Why was it so instinctive to reach out to stroke his hair? To pull him into an embrace? It was so hard to just _sit_ there, hands clasped firmly together, and not do anything.

Ed's screaming and flailing sent him flying off the bed and on to the floor. The boy woke up with a start and he groaned in pain from the impact he received on his already hurt body. He then sat up and sobbed quietly, running a hand through his hair to brush the bangs out of his eyes as he lightly shook.

Ed then blinked a few times and looked down at himself, then around the room, trying to process where he was. This certainly wasn't his home. He also realized that he was also bandaged and in clothes that weren't his.

He then remembered the events of the previous night and looked up suddenly, seeing Roy sitting on the bed, looking down at him worriedly. "C-Colonel..." he said and looked away, embarrassed. He then began to lift himself off the floor, but found he was still in a lot of pain and his legs felt like jelly. Obviously he was too weak from the loss of blood to do anything himself yet. Sighing in defeat, he plopped back down and just sat there, unsure what to do.

Roy climbed off the bed and moved around it to kneel slowly on the floor next to Edward. Folding his hands on his lap, he sat silently for a long while, thinking. He knew Edward was staring at him in confusion, waiting for him to say something. After a few minutes, Roy sighed softly and looked up at him. Slowly reaching a hand out to place it on Edward's shoulder, he spoke quietly.

"...Do you want to talk about it...?"

Ed blinked a few times and stared at the hand resting on his shoulder. He felt a bit uncomfortable, but he didn't feel like he was in danger. No. Roy's presence felt comforting to him, very protective, and, even though he wasn't his younger brother, he felt he could trust Roy.

Still, that alarming voice in the back of his head was still nudging at him and Ed shied away from Roy's hand a bit, looking at the wall in embarrassment. "No..." he said finally, biting his lip. Even though he felt safe around Roy, he still didn't know if he could trust his senses yet and above all else, it was truly the most embarrassing thing to talk about with another man.

Roy noticed how Edward shrank away from his hand as he nodded slowly, getting to his feet. "Alright. And I can see I've made you uncomfortable again. Sorry." His voice sounded a bit strained, so he cleared his throat slightly. It would probably be best if he just let Edward be right now... He could tell that being around him made him uneasy. Turning, he made for the door.

Edward looked up a bit shocked as he saw Roy head for the door. He then began to panic a bit. He didn't want Roy to leave, he just didn't want to talk about it. Ed bit his lip, holding back a sob as he leaned forward, putting all his strength into getting himself off the floor. It hurt, but he didn't care. He just didn't want to be alone anymore.

Grabbing on to the bed, Ed slowly pulled himself up, gasping from the pain and tried to keep himself balanced. Once he knew he could stand on his own, he shakily placed one foot in front of the other and followed after Roy. The Colonel probably already made it downstairs by now.

Running out the door, while tripping a few times in the process, he saw that Roy was just at the top of the stairs and quickly dashed after him. "C-Colonel wait!" he cried, tackling the man from behind, lightly though so they both wouldn't take a tumble down the stairs. He then hugged him around the waist, burying his face into Roy's back. "I'm sorry! Please don't leave me!" he said through choked sobs. He was leaning most of his weight into Roy, finding it hard to stand anymore.

To say Roy was shocked would be an understatement. He had most definitely _not_ been expecting this from Edward. After a few moments, he placed his hands over the ones around his waist. "Leave you...? I wasn't going to..." He trailed off as he realized something and mentally kicked himself for not thinking of it earlier. After Edward lost Alphonse... He didn't have anyone left. His entire family was just...gone. Memories of years ago, faded though they were, resurfaced again. He knew what it was like. He knew what it felt like. To be suddenly, painfully, _alone_.

Roy loosened the hold on his waist just a bit so he could turn around, and held not Edward's wrists, but just the tips of his fingers in each hand, loosely. Edward was_ not_ alone. He had _not_ lost everybody. "Edward..." he stared softly. "I'm not leaving you behind. You are _not_ all alone in this, and no matter what, don't you _dare_ think otherwise."

Ed looked up at Roy, blinking back tears. He then leaned forward and hugged Roy, sniffling a few times. Memories of his brother flashed through his mind and it hurt a lot. "I m-miss him.. s-so much..." he choked, feeling weak in the knees and slid down, sitting on the floor. His skin was still very pale from the loss of blood and Ed was slightly panting for breath. "Why me?" he asked, hugging himself. "Does God hate me that much...? Or do I just have incredibly bad luck?" he asked, trembling as the tears slipped.

Roy knelt down next to him again and drew him into a hug. He couldn't imagine just how painful it was for Edward to lose somebody so dear to him. "I thought you never believed in God anyway, why should you care what he thinks?" He chuckled softly, but it was void of any sort of humor.

Ed hiccupped a few times and looked up at Roy, not finding it one bit funny, but shook his head. "I-I don't... I was just-" but he cut off, unable to finish his sentence when he suddenly reached up and wiped his face from the tears, sniffing heavily. "I want him back!" he sobbed. "I want my little brother back..." Ed was devastated. Losing his only family and being raped all in the same month could have driven the boy to suicide. Ed leaned into Roy and hugged him tightly, letting out pain filled cries of anguish and despair.

Roy held him close, letting Edward cry himself out. "I know..." he murmured. "I know, you miss him so much it hurts...and... I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to hurt for a long while, Edward." Roy's gaze darkened a bit as his thoughts drifted into old things that he thought he had buried long ago. "...There are days that you forget, only to be cruelly reminded, and it rips you apart from the inside each time. Habits, things you associate with him... each time it aches... But after a long while, you start to slowly accept things for how they are. Eventually it won't hurt so much..." He was murmuring too quietly he wasn't entirely sure if he was speaking to Edward or himself anymore. He was absently stroking the golden hair all the while as Edward trembled with sobs.

Ed trembled as he listened to Mustang's words. It was true, the pain wouldn't go away for a long time and what's done is done. There's no way to bring back the dead. Ed learned that the hard way, yet he felt that it was unfair, after everything he and his brother went through, that Al had to go first. Ed's sobs quieted down a bit and he slumped into Roy, his head feeling dizzy from crying too much.

Roy rubbed gentle circles onto Edward's back as the younger alchemist slowly calmed down a bit, set on waiting as long as Ed needed. After they had sat in silence for a long while, Edward letting out only a whimper every now and then, Roy then slowly pulled back just enough to look down at him. "Hey," he said gently, "I know it's not going to sound very appealing right now, but you need to eat something. Come on, let's get you some breakfast."

Ed looked up at him with a tear streaked face and reddened, tired eyes. In a way, he looked like he just rose from the dead. Ed shrugged a bit. Food didn't sound pleasant at the moment, but he knew if he didn't eat anything, Mustang was going to force him sooner or later. After a moment of silence, Ed tried standing up on his own, practically pulling himself up using the railing for support. When he was finally on his feet, Ed looked down the stairs dizzily, wobbling like he was going to fall head first down the stairs.

Roy stood and bit his lip as he saw Edward clutch the railing and sway dangerously. He knew he wouldn't appreciate any help, but quite honestly, he was more worried about Edward pitching head first down the stairs than wounding his pride by helping. So he gently took the boy's arm, steadying him, and began to descend down the stairs.

Ed snarled quietly as Roy helped him down the stairs. It was embarrassing enough that he knew what happened to him and actually had to _bathe_ his battered, bruised and naked body. He even went as far as to cry himself in the Colonel's arms. The thought made Ed flinch and he quickly pulled away from Roy once they reached the bottom of the stairs and stumbled quite messily over to the couch and plopped down on it. He then buried his face in one of the pillows. Why did it come to this? After everything he went through, he was tossed into the pit of Hell once again.

Ed sucked in a breath of air through the pillow, trying hard not to let the waterworks start again. He didn't think he had any tears left in him. They all dried up, mostly from the event that occurred last night. Ed stiffened at the thought, his wounds starting to ache again over the memories burned in his head. Those rough hands tracing his skin, that dull blade, cold against his chest and stomach, and that hot, foul breath against his face. He made a noise through the pillow that sounded terrified and he trembled quite visibly on the couch.

Trying to calm himself down, Ed looked up at Roy after a few minutes, a look on his face that looked scared but also angry. "Are you going to make breakfast or not?" he asked, his voice sounding a bit threatening.

Roy suppressed the urge to flinch at his tone, opting for swallowing hard and nodding instead. Turning, he left the room for the kitchen. It was probably best to give him some space now...he thought. Though last time he thought Edward wanted to be alone... He sighed and carded his fingers through his hair. No, he couldn't blame any of this on the teen, he really couldn't. He would just have to go with whatever Edward wanted at any given time, feel out the situation...

Sighing, he set to work making breakfast for the both of them.

About ten minutes later he emerged from the kitchen balancing two plates of eggs, bacon, and toast. He placed one on the coffee table in front of Edward and sat down with the other in the large chair farthest from the blond. Best not to test the waters quite yet.

When Roy came out, Ed was fast asleep, curled up on the couch in a tight ball and clutching the pillow for support. The look on his face was far from peaceful. The sound of shuffling feet and the clang of a plastic plate on a wood table caught his ear and he fluttered his eyes open at a start.

Realizing it was only Roy bringing breakfast out to him; Ed yawned and sat up slowly, still in a lot of pain. He then stared at the bacon, eggs and toast and frowned. Normally he would welcome the food at anytime, but right now, his stomach twisted in a knot when he looked at it and he quickly turned his head away. "I don't think I can eat it..." he muttered.

Roy glanced up from where he had been staring at his food and frowned a bit. "If you don't eat, you're going to just make yourself sick."

Ed pouted. "I'm already sick..." he said, turning his head to the side. "Eating might just make me throw up..." he muttered.

Roy gave an exasperated sigh. "Just eat the damn food, Edward," he snapped.

He immediately felt guilt wash over about snapping at him, slumping over a bit and resting his head in his hands with his elbows propped on his knees. Why was he being a bastard now of all times...?

Ed glared up at Roy and held his gaze for awhile. He then huffed and grabbed the plate of food, stuffing a piece of toast in his mouth. He chewed it for awhile and then set the plate back down. He knew it would upset his stomach a bit. Sighing, he tried to eat the food much slower, finding it not as painful on his stomach. It wasn't the food, but the fact that he was thinking about those awful things while he was eating.

He then set the half eaten piece of toast down and stared at it for a bit before looking up at Roy. "I want to go home..." he muttered sadly.

Roy's head shot up to meet Edward's sad gaze as his heart sank. Guilt settled heavily on his shoulders as he averted his eyes again to stare into his steaming coffee. First he tries to get Ed to open up, and then he pushes him away. _'Great going, Mustang, now he wants to go home and get away from you.'_

But in all honesty, Roy had neither the heart, nor the right, to tell him no, to deny him. Swallowing a bit thickly, he nodded and stood. "That might be for the best, Fullmetal."

Ed nodded and tried to eat as much of the food as possible. The Colonel did go through the trouble of making it for him after all. Ed then set the almost finished plate of food down on the table and stood up. He then shakily made his way over to the bathroom he washed up in last night and shivered, seeing the bathroom was still covered in blood. Ed tried to suppress a sob and the dizziness he felt wash over him and searched through his clothes. He then realized one thing. His pants were gone which meant that his house key and his pocket watch were missing too.

Shrugging sadly, Ed got up again and left his dirty clothes where they were. He never wanted to use them ever again. Looking up at Roy, he tried to mask the pain and sadness on his face. "Throw those clothes away and burn them... I have a spare key hidden outside my apartment."

Roy nodded, and then turned to go back up the stairs. "Hold on one minute though, you need _something_ before you go out there..." Climbing the stairs, Roy returned to his bedroom and rummaged through his dresser a bit before pulling out a pair of simple black slacks and a red button-down shirt. Bringing these back down to Edward he handed them to the blond. "Here, you can transmute them so they fit better, if you like," he explained. The younger alchemist was still clothed in only the boxers and t-shirt he had given him last night.

Ed nodded and slowly took them from Roy, placing them on the table before clapping his hands and transmuting them. He kept the clothes the same only he made them a few sizes smaller. Not only was he always smaller than Roy, but he also got skinnier from not taking care of himself and lost a lot of his muscle.

After pulling on the clothes, he then looked at Roy. "I don't think I can walk all the way there... Do you have a car?" he asked, tilting his head.

Roy scratched his head, a bit embarrassed. "Er...well, no..." He was not about to admit that Central denied him a military-issued car because of his previous driving records. "Do you want me to call Hawkeye...?"

Ed's eyes suddenly widened. "N-NO!" he shouted in a panic then shrugged, embarrassed. "N-No... We'll just walk. I'll be fine, I swear," he said and turned and headed for the door. There was one reason he didn't want anyone driving them, especially Hawkeye. She was sharp and quick and would find out in an instant what happened to him and force him to go to the hospital.

Without another word, Ed was already out the door and heading down the sidewalk. He was glad it was morning and the sun was shining brightly, otherwise, he would be clung to Mustang's side and dragging him along for fear someone would jump out of the shadows at him.

Roy jogged and caught up with him, a bit surprised he was able to move a bit quicker, and hopeful that it meant he was already healing. He watched him out of the corner of his eye as they walked down the sidewalk at what wasn't quite a normal pace, but Roy was satisfied they were even moving steadily. But as he watched him, Roy could see the pain Edward was trying to mask with each step. Trying to find something to talk about just for the sake of conversation, he said the first thing that came to his mind. "So how are you holding up? Is it hurting you still?" he asked softly.

Ed stopped in his tracks, his eyes growing wide and his heart lodging in his throat. He looked down at his toes, feeling the bandages underneath his clothing. They stopped bleeding a long time ago, but it still hurt a lot. Ed slowly turned and glared up at Roy. "What do you think?" he growled through his teeth before turning again and stomping off with a limp in his steps.

"Ah..." Roy halfheartedly reached out a hand as if to stop him, but just watched him stumble farther away. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with himself for not thinking before he spoke. Right now it would probably be best to try and keep Edward's mind off of it, not keep bringing it up again.

Ed stumbled angrily ahead. Not just at Roy, but at himself. He knew Mustang didn't mean to make him upset and was just worried about him, but at the same time he wished he would just leave him alone. Ed didn't know what to think anymore. He wanted to push him away and shut him out of his life, but then again he wanted someone to hold and comfort him and never leave him alone in the world.

Ed let the tears slip slowly, hiding his face from anyone that saw him. Suddenly he began to feel light headed and he stumbled a bit. He stopped and gasped, putting a hand to his forehead. He then shook it and began walking again, only to pass out on his feet and fall to the ground.

Roy gasped as Edward suddenly faltered and collapsed to the ground ahead of him. Running to his side, he knelt down and very gently shook his shoulder. "Edward?" Worry crept into his voice. He had passed out. Carefully he scooped Edward up in his arms, resting the blond head against his chest. He glanced down at his face, and then felt his heart drop.

Tears had worked narrow paths down his cheeks from red-rimmed eyes that also held dark shadows under them from exhaustion and a month's worth of sleepless nights. His eyebrows were knitted together in what was probably a mixture of grief, frustration, and pain.

Holding the frail alchemist just a bit closer, Roy continued his pace towards the small apartment.

**End of chapter review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3**

Ed woke up minutes later just as Roy approached his small apartment. He blinked dizzily and looked around confused; trying to process what was going on. He then realized he was being carried and gasped, startled. "P-Put me down!" he said and wiggled out of Roy's hold. Once he was on his feet he placed a hand to his forehead. "What happened...?"

"You passed out..." He explained quietly. _'If you're hurting so much, why do you push yourself? It's okay to admit you need help, Edward...'_ He badly wanted to voice these thoughts, but he remembered earlier... He should just stay out of it, not push him. When, or _if_, he wanted to talk about it, he would. So Roy just bit his lip and moved closer to the apartment. "So where's that key...?"

Ed shrugged, not commenting about him passing out and pointed to the mailbox near the door. "It's hidden in the mailbox," he said and went to go search for the spare key, but stopped, seeing his door was cracked open. His heart skipped a beat and he slowly crept toward the front door, lightly pushing it open, but staying to the side in case anyone was in there.

Ed didn't see any movement so he slowly crept inside and flipped on the light. Ed stood there frozen, his eyes wide. "N-No..." he said, seeing his apartment was trashed. Picture frames were broken and thrown to the floor, tables and chairs flipped over each other, papers and books scattered everywhere. Ed shakily wobbled over to his bedroom and peeked inside. It looked the same as the rest of the small apartment.

Ed let out a shocked sob and sunk to his knees in the doorway of his bedroom. He sat there for a few more minutes until he slowly reached over to a shattered picture frame, pulling the photo out from under the broken glass. It was a picture of he and Al, right after Al got his body back. It was the first picture they had taken together since before they tried to bring their mother back. Al was grinning widely and Ed was glaring at the camera.

Ed let out a small laugh before the tears slipped and patted softly on the photo. He then sniffled and hugged the photo to his chest, bowing his head low.

Roy stepped tentatively into the apartment, looking around with wide eyes at the damage. Everything that could be overturned or broken was. This wasn't just a break-in; this wasn't just somebody looking for something... Someone had deliberately destroyed Edward's home.

Carefully picking his way around broken glass and overturned furniture, Roy found Edward slumped over on his bedroom floor, clutching something to his chest and crying quietly. He slipped silently from the room and into the rest of the apartment, giving him some time to himself.

Roy glanced around the tiny kitchen, seeing shattered dishes illuminated by the light from a small open fridge, its contents scattered on the floor. He slowly bent down and began to retrieve the very few food items, and placed them on the counter. Unless whoever did this had been very hungry and eaten a large portion of Edward's food supplies, the teen really didn't have much. Scarcely enough to go on for a few days. As he began to clear away fragments of dishes, he knew it was helpless. There was no way Edward could stay here now, not after all this...

After crying for a bit, Ed slowly got up and looked around his room. He knew he couldn't stay here. Even if he did use alchemy to fix everything up and place everything back where it was, he knew it would be too dangerous for him to stay here. His attacker might come back.

Ed shakily walked into the kitchen, seeing Roy attempting to clean up. "Don't bother..." he muttered softly. "I-I can't stay here anyway..." he said and looked around before looking back at Roy. "I could probably pack some clothes and stay at a hotel for awhile..." he said, smiling sheepishly, but also sadly as he shrugged.

Before he even knew he had thought them, the words had escaped his lips, shocking them both.

"You can stay with me."

Though surprised by his own outburst, he meant it wholeheartedly. It must have been so lonely here in this apartment for Edward, without his cheerful brother brightening up the house, and the thought of him closed off in a hotel room for who knows how long, utterly alone and now more broken than ever tore at his heart.

Looking away, embarrassed, he scratched the back of his head. "Ah... That is, if you would like, I mean..." But he couldn't keep the hopeful edge out of his voice.

Ed looked up at Roy shocked, his eyes wide but also a bit brighter than normal. "R-Really? I mean... are you sure it's okay?" he asked, still shocked from Roy's offer but also a bit happy. The thought of staying with Roy sounded much better than staying in a run-down hotel room infested with who-knows-what. Ed thought of staying in his guest room in a nice warm bed and eating three full meals a day. Even if Roy always went out to eat, it was still more than what Ed had been eating the past month.

Ed blushed a little. "W-What would others think if they found out I was staying with you?" he asked, thinking about if all of Central HQ found out about this.

Roy bit his lip as he considered that for a moment. What would they think? Something indecent, probably. But either way they would want a reason, and he was pretty sure Edward wanted as few people to know about his rape as possible.

"Well," he said slowly, "Then we just make sure they _don't_ find out. It might be a bit difficult to explain..."

Ed wasn't sure what to do, but he looked up at Roy and smiled a bit. "A-Alright... I'll stay with you then. I rather not be alone anymore anyway..." he said and blushed a bit from the last comment he made. "Give me a few minutes to pack up..." he said and ran back to his bedroom, grabbing whatever wasn't broken or ripped apart. He then came out a few seconds later, dragging his brown suitcase out a bit difficultly.

Roy smiled sadly at Edward's retreating form. Ah. So he _was_ lonely here. When he returned with the suitcase, Roy silently took it from him and carried it himself. As it was, he wasn't sure Edward was going to be able to walk the entire way back to his house without blacking out again. "You all set?" _'Is that all you're going to take?'_ Not that there was really much left to take...

Ed took one last glance around the apartment and nodded. "Yeah, I think so..." he said then gasped. "Wait!" he said suddenly and ran back into his bedroom and dug through his closet, pulling out a box that was untouched. He then dug through it and pulled out the thing he was looking for. It was the journal Al had kept of all the things he wanted to eat when he got his body back along with some journal entries of their adventure together. Ed smiled sadly and went back to the front door where Roy was waiting. "Just something I promised Al I would always keep. He told me he didn't need it anymore after he got his body back, but he wanted me to keep it and remind me of the times we had..."

Roy's hand twitched as he ached to place it on Edward's shoulder, _anything_, to comfort him. But he just nodded and silently gave the house one last sweeping look before turning towards the door. "Alright, let's go."

Ed nodded and hugged the small journal close. He closed the door silently behind, not bothering to lock it and trotted after Mustang. He still felt weak and light headed and wondered if they should take a break from walking, well... mostly him. "Maybe we should call a cab..." he muttered and leaned on a nearby telephone poll. He felt ridiculous for calling a cab to take them only a few blocks away. "O-Or maybe we could just rest a bit then walk again..."

"Hm, maybe I should call a cab..." Edward really wasn't looking too well, and Roy wanted to get him home as soon as possible. _Home_... That's what it was now, to Edward. He just hoped the blond felt that way too.

Leading him over to a bench, Roy sat Edward down and grabbed the nearby payphone. A few minutes later, they were both perched on the bench waiting for the taxicab to come. The silence stretched awkwardly between them, but Roy held his tongue, remembering what happened last time he tried to strike up conversation.

Ed fiddled with the bottom of his shirt a bit, feeling a bit awkward as the two just sat there. He glanced up at Roy and then quickly looked away. _'He's been so kind to me lately...'_ Ed thought to himself. _'Normally he's always such an asshole...'_ he thought again and smirked a bit, then his smirk dropped and a blush hit his face. _'Is he acting this way because he pities me or... could he possibly... care about me? Maybe... love me?'_ he wondered, his face finally flushing a beat red. _'D-Don't be ridiculous, Edward! Not that womanizing bastard! He probably just feels bad for what happened to you...'_ he thought and he frowned, looking back at Roy to realize the man was staring at him. Ed was probably fidgeting a lot and realized his face still felt hot. "U-Um..." he said, freezing like a deer in the headlights. "S-So how long do you think I'll be staying with you?" he asked, quietly.

Roy struggled for a moment with what he _wanted_ to say, and what he knew he _should_ say, finally opting for something a bit in-between. "As long as you want to, Edward."

Really, what Roy wished for, was for Edward to stay with him. Even after wounds have healed, and scars faded, he wanted nothing more than for Edward to stay with him. But it scared him, that feeling of utter longing for closeness, the desire to comfort him. And the last thing he wanted was to frighten Edward away by admitting these things out loud.

Edward nodded, taking in these words and thought for a bit. _'As long as I want to? Does that mean after I've healed...?'_ he wondered to himself. He shuttered a bit, wondering what these feelings were. He didn't actually _LOVE_ Roy Mustang, did he? Suddenly Ed snapped out of his thoughts as the cab pulled up before them and sighed. Maybe a short nap in the car would relax him from his pain and confusion.

Roy watched Edward slowly climb into the cab before he slid in next to him, shutting the door. After telling the driver where to go and paying him, he relaxed back in the seat and looked over at Edward, surprised to find him fast asleep. Roy smiled down at him and brushed the golden bangs out of his face, tucking them behind his ear. They stayed that way the remainder of the ride, Edward sleeping soundly while Roy watched him silently. Upon arriving back at the house, the older mad sighed and regretfully woke him up. "Hey, Edward, we're back home..."

Ed groaned and tried to shove Roy's hand away with his arm, moaning something about 5 more minutes. He then slowly opened his eyes and looked out the window, realizing that they were back at Roy's place. Home... Could Ed really call it that? Ed then turned his head to the side and looked at Roy sleepily, nodding as he slowly slid out of the cab and stood at the end of the sidewalk before slowly shuffling his way toward the front door.

Roy unlocked the door and led Edward through the door before stepping inside his home. _His_ home. Or..._their_ home? The thought presented itself in an almost hopeful way, but he brushed it aside for now. He could think on that a bit more later.

Roy showed Edward the guest room, knowing that the exhausted-looking blond probably wanted nothing more than to sleep right now. Wandering into his kitchen, he stared at a small cupboard and appeared to be pondering something for a few minutes before reaching in and pulling out a bottle. Pouring himself a small glass of the amber liquid, he strolled into his living room and sunk into his armchair with a sigh. Things were certainly going to be different around here now; there was no doubt in his mind about that. And as he threw back the whiskey, he thought that maybe that wouldn't be so bad after all.

Ed sighed as he walked into the guest room. It wasn't very big, but it was homey. Ed got himself situated, put his clothes in the dresser at the foot of his bed and crawled out of the clothes Mustang gave him earlier, curling up on the crisp white blankets and falling into a peaceful sleep. For once he slept without any nightmares.

A week had gone by pretty fast. On some days Ed wanted to be alone and away from Roy and any contact with him, then some days the two would just sit together and talk for a bit. However, Ed never mentioned anything about what happened during the rape that night, but his physical wounds were starting to heal fast. Some nights Roy would come running into Ed's room, finding the boy screaming in his sleep and some nights were peaceful and quiet. The two had been out of work at Central for awhile. Roy pretended he was sick with the flu and called out the entire week and Ed made a phone call saying he was on a trip home to the Rockbell's house.

Ed sighed as he lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling. It had been one week exactly since the rape and Ed shuddered, finding it haunting his thoughts more than usual. He then rolled over on his side and stared at the bedroom door, whimpering a bit. After deciding he couldn't sleep, Ed immediately sprang out of bed and down the hall, past Roy's room. He paused for a moment to see the man was sound asleep, smiling a bit at his sleeping form before heading to the bathroom.

Ed then turned on the shower and wiggled out of his clothes, stepping under the hot water and sighing. Looking at the wall in front of him, Ed frowned and took the soap, scrubbing at himself furiously again. It had been a week and still he felt incredibly filthy and tainted. Why? Why could he feel his cold hands against his skin still? Ed sniffed and slid down the shower wall, sitting on the floor under the spray. _'Just think about something else...'_ he told himself, trying to get his mind off it. His mind then wandered to Roy. _'He's been so kind to me... I wonder where I would be without him...'_ he wondered and blushed. Ed then continued to have his thoughts wonder on Roy and eventually he found he was touching himself and moaning and calling Roy's name softly. Ed gasped and pulled his hand away, blushing beat red, embarrassed like someone caught him. "W-What am I doing? No! Don't be ridiculous! He doesn't love me! He's only into women!" he thought outloud, thinking of all the times Mustang went out and picked up women on the way. "Even if he did love me that way, there's no way I'm letting anyone touch me!" he said to himself and quickly shut off the water.

By the time Ed left the bathroom, he was still pink in the cheeks. He pulled the towel away from his dripping hair and strode down the hall, pausing again in front of Roy's bedroom door. Roy was still sprawled out on the bed on his back, his mouth gaped open but no sound came out save for the light sounds of him breathing. Ed stood there a moment, staring. He then found himself creeping over to Roy's bed and staring down at him, his cheeks heating up again. _'He's so handsome...'_ he thought to himself and softly sat on the side of Roy's bed. After a few more minutes of staring, Ed couldn't take it anymore and slowly bent over, kissing Roy lightly on the lips. They were so warm and smooth. Not like the lips of his attacker which were rough, chapped and foul.

Ed lingered on Roy's lips a bit more, tracing the bottom lip with his tongue. Ed then quietly gasped and pulled away, seeing Roy was stirring. Panic shot through his chest and Ed didn't know what to do but run back to his room as quickly and quietly as possible and pretend he was asleep.

Roy sucked gently on the sweet golden skin of his neck as a moan erupted in his ear. The body beneath him squirmed and made a few keening sounds that mingled with the slight pants. Drawing his attention away from the sweat-coated skin, Roy moved to hover above those golden eyes watching him, darkened with lust. Suddenly the lips below him pressed against his in a surprisingly hesitant and gentle way despite the frantic pattern from a moment earlier. But despite being so slight and slow, it felt so _real_, so...

Roy Mustang snapped awake and caught the fleeting sight of gold turning from his doorway. With widened eyes he pressed a hand to his mouth, feeling the very real sensation of the slight burning on his lips. He wasn't quite sure what he was more shocked about, the fact that he just had a _very_ erotic dream about Edward, or the fact that said person has just kissed him and fled.

Well shit. He ran a hand through his hair. This certainly made things complicated. The past week had proven to be more of a struggle than he thought, if only for the fact that nearing the end of it he found he had to restrain himself more and more. The desire to hold him, and to comfort him was beginning to overwhelm him. He just wanted Edward to be happy, to see him smile again. He didn't know why he felt like that... but.. No. He knew exactly what it was. But, he... did he...did he actually _love_ Edward...?

With a shaky sigh he ran a hand through his hair again and slipped off his bed. He could think about all of this later. Right now he had a slight problem that needed to be taken care of in the shower.

**End Chapter 3. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next morning, Ed sat at the kitchen table, eating some cereal (with as little milk as possible) and kicked his legs happily as he read the morning newspaper. Though the entire morning he avoided eye contact with Roy and the very few times they did make contact, Ed would blush and look away, scanning the newspaper again and shoving the cereal in his mouth as if he was trying to get his mind off something.

Although he seemed to be avoiding Roy, Edward appeared to be in a good mood that morning. Unfortunately the same could not be said for Roy. He got very little sleep last night thinking over everything from the past week and trying to sort out his feelings. Rubbing his face, he sat down at the table across from Edward and set down his coffee. Blankly staring down at it, he gave a small sigh.

The conclusion he reached last night terrified him. There was just no other way to put it. Edward was still technically a child, and his subordinate. And, he forcefully reminded himself, was still getting over both the physical and emotional effects of his rape. Telling him how he felt right now could have such a range of results... Edward was still slightly unstable right now, vulnerable. Last night he had given up and finally admitted to himself that he loved Edward. That had been something huge for him. But to admit it to Edward? He wasn't going to deny it, he wanted to. But for Edward's sake right now... it would be better to wait. For what, he wasn't sure.

Ed placed his spoon in his empty bowl of cereal with a clang and set the paper down, noticing that Roy was sitting quietly across the table from him, staring blankly into his cup. Ed blinked, not liking the silence between them and studied Roy for a bit.

"U-Um..." he managed to squeak out shyly. "Are you okay? You look tired... Did you not sleep well last night?" he asked and blushed a little. He wondered if Roy really did catch him in the act of kissing him lightly and shrugged, blushing deeper. The thought of keeping Roy awake after he looked so peaceful because of what he did made Ed feel guilty. He then folded his hands in his lap and shrugged sadly, looking at his feet.

Roy blinked and snapped out of his thoughts, glancing up at Edward. He immediately noticed that his cheerful mood from before was gone, and he was looking down sadly. Feeling a pang of guilt for somehow making him down again, Roy looked away and took a sip from his coffee. "Oh, no, I'm fine. I'm just..." he trailed off, unsure what his excuse was going to be but knowing it was too late to use one now. He opted for taking another large gulp of his coffee, thinking wistfully that he would prefer something a bit stronger at the moment.

Ed shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He knew what Roy was thinking, but didn't want to admit it to himself. "You don't look fine..." he muttered, unsure why he uttered those words out loud, but did. Ed then shook his head. "N-Never mind..." he said and looked up at Roy, smiling widely but not very bright. He then hopped out of his seat and went to put his empty bowl in the sink.

Roy followed him and set his empty mug down on the counter beside the sink before leaning against it, noticing the smile was slightly forced. Reaching out, he ruffled Ed's hair a bit. "Sorry, it's nothing to worry about. I really am fine, just a bit tired I guess... But what about you? How are you feeling now?" He had refrained from asking Edward this for a good part of the week to give him some space, but he really wanted to know how he was holding up, if he was still in a lot of pain.

Ed blinked up at Roy and shrugged a bit. "I'm fine... It doesn't hurt as bad anymore. And since I've been out of work for a week, I've been getting more sleep," he said and went back to rinsing out his bowl. He didn't say anymore than that. He wanted to talk about it with Roy, but he didn't know how he would react or what he would say.

Roy nodded as he leaned against the counter. Just how long would it be before he could no longer cover for them and they would have to go back to work? Because really, Edward did seem to be getting better, and he didn't want his health to drop again from going out on missions. But he might have no choice soon...

Ed sighed and finished rinsing his bowl, drying it off and placing it back in the cupboard. He then risked glancing up and Roy and quickly moved around him toward the kitchen door, keeping his head low. "I'm going to go change..." he muttered and ran up the stairs before Roy could answer.

Roy watched Edward run up the stairs, wondering if he upset the blond at all. He seemed so cheerful just a little while ago, too… In fact, Roy didn't think he'd seen Edward looking that good in a long time. With a small sigh he turned to the sink and began washing the remaining dishes while his mind wandered on the past week. Sometimes Edward wanted to talk, but more often than not he just pushed him away. But despite that, Roy couldn't help but feel that these past few days, his home seemed…. more like home. He would grudgingly admit to himself, sometimes it got lonely here, living in this big house, all alone. But Edward seemed to make the whole place brighter.

The corner of Roy's mouth twitched upwards. Oh dear, he was starting to become such a sap… Drying the last plate, he set it in the cupboard and dried his hands; glancing around the kitchen to be sure everything was clean. Most people assumed that he was unorganized and messy around his house, because of the state of his office, but that wasn't the case. This was the place he lived in, after all, and he was going to keep it clean and clear.

Stifling a yawn, Roy wandered into the living room and plopped himself down on the couch with a sigh. He hadn't slept much the previous night, his worries over Edward keeping him up. Stretching out along the length of the couch, he settled back into the arm of it, intending to just rest his eyes a bit.

Ed darted into his room and slammed the door shut. He was frustrated with himself right now. Pacing back and forth, Ed began to think of what happened the previous week along with what he did just last night. Ed gently put his hand to his lips and blushed. "Dammit, Edward! What the hell were you thinking?" he yelled at himself, beginning to pace back and forth again. The fact that he and the Colonel were starting to become close scared him a bit. He was confused and didn't know if he actually loved the Colonel or if he just desperately wanted to be close to someone now of all times.

Sighing, Ed ran a hand through his bangs and sat on his bed, running everything through his head. There was no way he could go back home. He supposed he should at least tell the police what happened to his apartment. Ed then paled. _'I can't let people know. No, if I tell them about my apartment, they might somehow find out about my rape too... And then...' _Ed blushed a bit. _'And then everyone will find out I'm living here. No, I can't put the Colonel in danger...' _he thought, shaking his head.

Ed placed both of his hands to his head and rested his forehead against his knees, letting out a frustrated groan. "What the hell am I going to do...?" he wondered out loud, feeling the tears threatening to spill. He knew that sooner or later, he and the Colonel would have to go back to work, and truthfully, he wasn't ready to leave the house just yet. Ed then got up and started pacing again, his heart starting to quicken with his footsteps and his face stretched into panic. "Alright, j-just calm down. Everything will be alright..." he tried to convince himself, but it wasn't working. He needed another voice to tell him that and Ed knew, there was only one other person in the house.

Ed shrugged, thinking over whether he wanted to go to the Colonel or not then looked around the room, shivering slightly. The bedroom seemed so dark and lonely and Ed didn't like it. Going over to his dresser, Ed pulled out a change of clothes and quickly got dressed before heading back downstairs.

Ed listened for a moment for any signs of movement from Mustang to figure out where in the house he was, but didn't hear any. Ed began to feel a bit of panic shoot through him. What if he left him in the house alone? Ed started to move toward the kitchen, but stopped when he saw a figure sprawled out on the couch and sighed._ 'He's just asleep..' _he thought and smiled a bit before it dropped into a frown. If the Colonel was this tired, then that means he probably didn't get enough sleep the night before, and Ed blamed that on himself.

Sighing, Ed decided to sit over in the chair until he woke up. As he sat there, Ed found himself looking around the room and fidgeting a lot. He was bored and also desired attention. Looking back at Mustang, Ed swallowed the lump in his throat._ 'Should I wake him up or leave him...?' _he wondered, getting up and walking over to stand next to the couch, hovering over Roy. Ed made a small whining noise, but it didn't seem to jar Roy awake. He finally convinced himself that he didn't like being alone, even if the person that was with him was sleeping.

"Colonel..." he muttered softly, poking him in the shoulder. Nothing. "Hey! Colonel bastard!" he said a little more loudly. That got him to stir and roll over. Ed was getting both angry and upset. "Wake up, idiot!" he said, poking Roy's cheek. This resulted in Roy brushing Ed's hand away. Ed gave up and felt his tears slipping again. He didn't understand why he was so scared of being alone, but he was. Without realizing what he was doing, Ed laid himself down on the couch behind Roy and snuggled against his back. Ed then smiled, feeling a little better and decided to fall asleep next to him.

Warm afternoon sunlight streamed into the living room through large windows, falling upon the two figures on the couch. Roy stirred slightly, aware of a comfortable weight resting on his shoulder, and he moved to pull the warmth closer to him, wrapping his arms around it protectively. Sighing contently, he had every intention of drifting back into his peaceful sleep, until something began to lightly brush across his nose whenever he took a breath.

Cracking one dark eye open, he spotted a few strands of gold waving in his vision. Blinking both eyes open, he discovered Edward curled up next to him, his head resting comfortably on Roy's shoulder as he slept. Roy, on the other hand, had his arms wrapped around the younger's waist and was holding him close.

He smiled down at the young alchemist, briefly entertaining the thought that Edward looked rather adorable when he slept. Blinking, he mentally shook his head. This was probably bad, Edward would surely freak out if he woke up to find him like this. But... Some part of him really didn't want to let go quite yet.

Ed shifted slightly in his sleep and nuzzled closer to the warm figure next to him. It was peaceful and relaxing and he found he was having a good dream. It was about his brother. He was alive and well and the two were laughing together and having a good time like they use to. Al reached over and hugged him, telling him things were okay and that he wouldn't let anyone hurt his big brother. Ed smiled in his sleep, tightening his hug around Roy. "Don't leave me, Al..." he mumbled.

Roy froze and glanced down at Ed, unsure what to do now. Ed thought he was Alphonse...? _'Of course, that makes sense, that's the only reason he would be hugging me anyway...' _he reasoned, getting annoyed with himself when he felt a small pang of disappointment. Biting his lip, he hesitated for a moment before saying quietly, "I'm not going anywhere, Edward."

Ed's face wrinkled in confusion when the voice that answered him didn't sound like his brother at all. Ed slowly blinked his eyes open and groggily stared at the fibers and stitching in Roy's white shirt before lifting his head to stare into onyx eyes. Ed stared confused for a moment before his eyes widened and he quickly sat up in shock, trying to remember what happened before he fell asleep. _'T-That's right... I fell asleep next to him cause... cause I didn't want to be alone..' _he thought, disappointed that his dream wasn't real. He then slid himself off the couch and looked to Roy apologetically. "I-I'm sorry..." he said, finding it hard to come up with an excuse as to why he fell asleep next to him. The real reason he felt was stupid and he didn't need to tell Mustang the truth.

"What? Oh, no, it's alright. I just..." Roy's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "I... thought you would be upset, or angry with me..." Honestly, Roy thought _he _would be the one apologizing. But he had the feeling that Edward hadn't noticed the way Roy had been holding him. Stifling a yawn, he sat up and moved over on the couch to lean against an armrest. Glancing at the clock up on the mantle, Roy was shocked to find it was already mid-afternoon. _'I really slept that long...?' _

Ed shrugged, feeling a bit awkward just standing there. _'Now what...?' _he wondered to himself. It was bad enough that he fell asleep and snuggled up next to the Colonel to begin with, but then to think that he thought Mustang was actually his younger brother. _'Fucking idiot...' _Ed scolded himself. He wished his brother really was here. That pain of loneliness shot back into his chest again. Ed sighed and slowly sat down on the couch next to Roy, making sure to keep some space in between them. "The truth is..." he started out slowly, making sure to get Roy's attention. "I was... afraid... Afraid of being alone... You wouldn't wake up, so I lied down next to you..." he mumbled and then slightly turned his head away to stare at the plant in the corner of the room that looked like it badly needed to be watered.

_'Ah, so that's what it was...' _He glanced over to see Ed looking away from him at something in the corner. "Ah... Well, I'm sorry for not being there when you were...feeling lonely," he apologized. It had been difficult the past week to figure out when Edward wanted somebody to be with him, and when he just wanted space. Roy ran a hand through his hair and began hesitantly. "To be quite honest, I'm never sure when it is you want to be left alone... I know that you probably hate that you have to stay here, and I just wanted to give you some space."

Ed looked up at him sadly and guiltily, shrugging. "I'm sorry..." he said, looking away from him again. He was right. Ed was always distant from Mustang and then when he so desired attention, he made it look like he was pushing him away. "I'm really sorry... I'm just so confused. I wish I had my brother here with me to tell me things would be okay. I want someone to hold and comfort me. It's just not fair... after everything we've been through, Al was taken from me, my only family. I wish things would just go back to the way they were..." he said and sobbed. "Everything's been taken from me!"

Roy slung his arm over the back of the couch and tipped his head to gaze at the ceiling. "Yes... I think everybody has had that wish at some point. But, you can't go back. And you can't bring back the dead." He sighed. "What you can do, though, is move past it. Even though it's hard, and painful, you can't go back. But..." He tipped his head back down and gave Edward a small smile. "You haven't lost everything. Believe me. You still have people looking out for you," he finished quietly.

Ed slowly pulled his hands away from his face and stared at his palms, the tears silently patting on his automail and flesh hand. He then slowly turned his head to look at Roy, trying to read the expression on his face. It looked soft, gentle, and caring, but also sad. Ed placed his right hand down on his lap while he kept the other up to rub away the tears. He was right. He had to keep moving forward and can't turn back now. He already learned once from trying to bring back his mother. Even though he would never try human transmutation again, he still couldn't push away that longing to have his brother back and that feeling of guilt that his death was his fault. Trying to move forward without that one person by your side was hard and agonizing. After brushing away all his tears, Ed looked back at Roy with a sad smile. "Yeah... I guess you're right. It's just hard..." he said and shrugged but didn't say anymore after that.

Roy watched him quietly for a moment, and then shifted closer to gently pull Edward to his chest in a one-armed hug. "If you ever want to talk about it, you know I'll always be willing to listen. If you don't want to, yet, I understand completely." A slight hesitation, then, "Maybe it's not my place to say this, but... I think he would want you to be happy. He would want what's best for you."

Ed jumped a little when Roy pulled him into a one-armed hug, but then relaxed a bit, scooting a bit closer to him and cuddling closer. He liked this warmth. It was comforting and soothing and he felt safe in these arms. Smiling, Ed leaned his head on Roy's chest and sighed. "Thanks..." he muttered softly and rested his eyes. "I know Al would probably be pissed off at me right now for being so weak..." he said and let out a small laugh.

Roy was surprised when Ed didn't flinch away, but instead moved in closer, and he gently rubbed his back as he spoke. "Crying isn't a weakness, Ed. If anything, you keep your emotions bottled up more than you should. The people around you get worried for you when you do that." He frowned slightly. _'Like me... Why won't you let us see when you're hurting?' _Thinking back on it, Roy had always kept an eye on him at work, always checked to make sure Ed wasn't suffering in silence. Sometimes, though, it was too difficult to tell.

Ed's eyebrows furrowed together in frustration. "I don't want to let others worry about me... Why should they, when they have more important things to worry about?" he asked, keeping his voice a steady tone and staring straight forward. "If I let my emotions out more, I'd probably be crying everyday..." he muttered and sweat dropped. He imagined that to be annoying as hell for others, and truthfully, that's all he had been doing since his rape. He wondered if Roy got sick of his bawling lately. "I can handle the pain..."

Roy gave a small sigh and pulled Ed a bit closer. "Just because you can, doesn't mean that you should try to do these things all by yourself. We- _I _want to be able to help you with the things you shouldn't have to bear by yourself! It's frustrating, not knowing if you're really in pain and just putting up a front or not..." He rubbed his face with his free hand, sighing softly as he realized he said more than he intended.

Ed looked up at Roy surprised. Did he really care about him that much? Ed looked down a bit sadly and bit his lip. "I... I didn't realize..." he said at a loss for words. He had no idea that Mustang, out of all people, was truly worried about him and what he was feeling. "I'm sorry..." he said again and looked back up at him with a look of regret. "I had... no idea how much you cared..." he mumbled and blushed a bit.

Roy quirked a smile and rested his chin on top of Edward's head. "Stop apologizing..." he murmured, and slid his eyes closed. After a moment he opened them again, and glanced over to the corner of the room. Fighting a smile as he raised an eyebrow, he asked, "Any particular reason you where staring at my houseplant before?"

Ed blinked his eyes open and glanced back over at the wilted looking house plant. "No particular reason... It just looks old and dried up..." he mumbled, then with a smirk, playfully said "Like you...You should water it."

Rolling his eyes at the jab at his age, Roy cleared his throat importantly. "For your information, it is a rare type of cactus, and doesn't need water that often," he said with a sniff. Though he was glad that Edward seemed to be acting like himself enough to go back to his favorite pastime: insulting Roy.

Ed cracked a smile at him by the way Roy was pretending to be insulted. He giggled a bit and shook his head. "Okay, okay... It's a rare cactus. It still looks pretty ugly though," he said teasingly. "So, how'd you get the thing...?"

"Well, it's actually got an interesting story behind it," he explained, gesturing at the plant. "I got it shipped from Xing. It was sent from one of the many royalty, actually, turns out one of the higher-ups in the military had tried to bribe them, and they weren't too happy about that." Roy rolled his eyes. "They laced the barbs on it with poison, but owing to an odd stroke of luck, they got the information wrong and it got sent to my office instead. If said higher-up _had_ obtained it, he certainly would have been dead within the hour. But it turns out the poison was made with a highly flammable chemical, one I was familiar with, so I noticed the poison and had it removed. I decided to keep the cactus as a bit of a... memento, if you will, of the event." He finished proudly.

Ed blinked up at him after he told that story and gave him a perplexed look. "Wow... that seems like one far-fetched story..." he said and sweat dropped. "So, did you name it too?" he asked jokingly.

There was an awkward pause.

"What! Did you really?" Ed asked, taking the awkward silence as a yes. Instead of making some smart remark though, Ed just busted out laughing, falling over on the couch as he clutched his sides. "Ahahaha! Geez! Only little kids name their plants! It's just as bad as having a pet rock!" he said and continued to crack up, rolling around on the couch.

Roy coughed lightly. "It... it was more of a joke than anything, naming hi- it," he defended, but as Edward just kept laughing beside him, he couldn't help but join in at the absurd conversation. It was good to hear Ed laugh again.

Ed finally stopped his rapid giggling and took a few deep breaths, letting out a chuckle or two every now and then and reached up to wipe the tears in his eyes. However, these tears weren't from sadness or despair, but they were tears of laughter and joy. Ed then sat up a bit and grinned widely. "I'm sorry, but that was just too funny," he said and sighed happily.

Still chuckling, Roy gently bopped him on the head. "Hey, no more apologizing, got it? Now... As we both completely ignored lunch, I think some food is in order." He pushed himself off of the couch, stretching slowly and wincing as his back gave a loud pop.

Ed nodded and got off the couch as well, ready to follow Roy into the kitchen and grab some food. "Soooo..." he said while they entered through the kitchen door, a smirk playing on Ed's lips. "What's its name?"

"Oh come on, I really don't think-"

"Don't think what? You didn't deny you named it. So what's its name?"

"Like I said, it was really just because of a joke-"

"Yeah, yeah... a joke. I got all that. What's its name?"

"It really has nothing to do with anything, so I really-"

Ed rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his hips. "Just give me a damn name already, Mustang!"

Roy stuttered for a moment, before Ed's glare finally made him cross his arms and glare at a wall, face flushed in embarrassment.

"...Fredrick."

Ed stared at Roy for a moment before busting out laughing again. "Oh, I see. So it's a 'he'! Ahahahahaha! You're too much!" he said and walked past Roy to the fridge, fixing them lunch himself as his laughter still shook the kitchen. "Wouldn't want to get in between you and your pet," he said, finishing making his sandwich and walked out of the kitchen, his laughter could still be heard from the living room.

**End chapter 4**


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